I was at some type of bar with my roommate Elizabeth. She turned to be and said "You're so sad." And I replied, "I know, I need to call my mom"
And then I woke up. And called my mom.
I told her how my heart and my head wasn't into taking the LSAT because of my preoccupation with her diagnosis of cancer and my limbo land relationship. She told me do whatever you need to do with your limbo land, and then she was fine and cancer free.
Then she told me her and my father were getting a divorce. They've threatened to get a divorce many times throughout my life, some threats more serious then others, but all in the end empty.
But this one seemed more real. And maybe I knew this was coming. Last time I went home I had bought my dad eau claires from the italian bakery down the street from my house, that he's enjoyed in the past. When I tried to give them to him, he refused them.
And then my mom told me how he said to her, she could croak and he wouldn't care (in regards to her cancer).
So what this really tells me is this is going to be a long year of my dad being a crazy abusive vengeful piece of shit to the whole family. It's like high school all over again. He hasn't reached out to me about the divorce yet. I doubt he will, but I'm curious to see where this goes and if he'll end up being in my life later on. Because looking at it right now there's a good change he might not be. And deep down in the darkest part of my psyche, that's something I've always wanted.
And I know I should feel kind of guilty for that, and maybe if that happened in real life I would feel different. But he's a terribly toxic person. And everyone in my family could do better.
2012: The End of the World?
